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Personally I believe that it is healthier to differentiate children with respect to their abilities.Hi, I would say it is just 'ok' as it needs a few things improved.But there are two basic things that someone will expect to see when you do an introduction.
A conclusion summarises the main ideas and points of your essay so it is normal for the conclusion to repeat things.
So you may have your opinion only in the conclusion or in the introduction and conclusion. Introduction & Conclusion Putting your opinion upfront in the thesis (the last sentence of the introduction, not the first sentence as this will be your general statement) means it will be very clear to the examiner at the beginning exactly what your position is before they start reading.
The criteria examiners use for marking Task 2 essays constantly refers to 'position'.
For example, for Band 7, it says "presents a clear position throughout the response".
While you might not use the words 'I believe' or 'In my opinion'in the introduction, you still need to make sure that the examiner knows what YOU think.
It makes no difference HOW an IELTS question is worded - the marking sheet doesn't change - so whether the question says 'give your opinion' or not, you must make it plain throughout your essay to score 7 or higher.
You would not have said the first part if you did not think it was true, so this looks odd.
I would word it like this: Hi, It is not really writing a good introduction to attract the examiner - the examiner will read your introduction whatever you do because that is their job!
You have problems with your grammar, word choices and sentence structure.
For example, 'distinct' does not fit here, you repeat 'abilities' (three times!